I want to first thank everyone for the feedback I have gotten. I'm still at 220 and haven't really gained much back. However, I've realized something about The 180 Project that might gotten me off to the wrong start to begin with. I started the project realizing that I need externals to motivate me. I needed to share with the world what I was doing, and hope for encouragement, feedback, and accountability. I got some, and that was great. I then placed a bold motivator to raise money in a pound for pound challenge of sorts where you'd donate for how many miles I ran or pounds I lost all to give to the Kampala Children's Centre. I got two pledges, and for those I am thankful.
Despite all those great and noble things to get myself to lose weight, there was one thing I was missing. I didn't REALLY want to do it. I felt I had too. I felt I needed to do it for my wife and kids. So, I placed externals in my life to motivate me to do that. That may work, for a while, but...in the end, I realized I didn't like myself enough to realize the goal, I didn't care for myself to really want to do what it takes to lose the weight. I really didn't want to do this project, I just wanted cheers from the crowd, and slaps on the hand to whip me into doing it.
What does this mean? I have no idea. The first step I guess is realizing that I need to really do this for ME. I have to want to care for myself for me, and not anyone else. I want to run and exercise because I like it, not because I feel I have to. With that being said, this is my final post for The 180 Project. I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it for you guys, and I am glad people got inspired by it, but when I began to fail, I felt I was letting others down. That frustrated me more then the fact that I wasn't exercising or losing anymore weight.
Time to get busy knowing and caring for myself and seeing myself for the creation that God intends me to be, and loving myself because of that fact. Wish me luck this Sunday. I am running the 5k portion of the Half-Marathon that I was supposed to run. I haven't done a 5k since the beginning of May, so I need to get some training in before Sunday.
-Chris
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Not sure you're still checking this since you closed it down, but I'm one of those that felt inspired by your push to do this project. This was a very honest final post, one I'm sure you won't forget. There is therapy in writing what you wrote...perhaps this "load" off your shoulders will be enough to get back up and have another go at it...only difference this time will be that you want to do it. It took Meg a long time to begin seeing results, but her exercise routine has gone from "have to" to "want to"...
ReplyDeleteIn all, good luck Chris. While this may be the last post, I have a feeling this isn't the last we've heard on this topic...
Seriously, Dude, this is it? I thought you were just getting warmed up!
ReplyDeleteThis is it for posting my stuff on the internet. I need to be doing this for me, and not the praises I get from people on the net.
ReplyDeleteIf you have the time, I highly recommend the book, "Born to Run;" it is so good!
ReplyDelete