Wrong Aheaded Project. My Final Post.

I want to first thank everyone for the feedback I have gotten. I'm still at 220 and haven't really gained much back. However, I've realized something about The 180 Project that might gotten me off to the wrong start to begin with. I started the project realizing that I need externals to motivate me. I needed to share with the world what I was doing, and hope for encouragement, feedback, and accountability. I got some, and that was great. I then placed a bold motivator to raise money in a pound for pound challenge of sorts where you'd donate for how many miles I ran or pounds I lost all to give to the Kampala Children's Centre. I got two pledges, and for those I am thankful.

Despite all those great and noble things to get myself to lose weight, there was one thing I was missing. I didn't REALLY want to do it. I felt I had too. I felt I needed to do it for my wife and kids. So, I placed externals in my life to motivate me to do that. That may work, for a while, but...in the end, I realized I didn't like myself enough to realize the goal, I didn't care for myself to really want to do what it takes to lose the weight. I really didn't want to do this project, I just wanted cheers from the crowd, and slaps on the hand to whip me into doing it.

What does this mean? I have no idea. The first step I guess is realizing that I need to really do this for ME. I have to want to care for myself for me, and not anyone else. I want to run and exercise because I like it, not because I feel I have to. With that being said, this is my final post for The 180 Project. I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it for you guys, and I am glad people got inspired by it, but when I began to fail, I felt I was letting others down. That frustrated me more then the fact that I wasn't exercising or losing anymore weight.

Time to get busy knowing and caring for myself and seeing myself for the creation that God intends me to be, and loving myself because of that fact. Wish me luck this Sunday. I am running the 5k portion of the Half-Marathon that I was supposed to run. I haven't done a 5k since the beginning of May, so I need to get some training in before Sunday.

-Chris